2010

i do cry a lot last time.i mean it...really damn lot!
almost every night or every hour, its like every things worth to make my tears to drop...

nowadays, i don't cry that much..
i do cry when watching teles and movies and books, but not when i depress, sad and angry...
i started to feel weak to cry, i can't cry!
i don't know why~
anything happened, i get weak in my soul and crying does not help at all!
i feel helpless and so emotional with everything and words spinning in me right now, i can't control the temper or the feelings that is inside me.

i feel nothing with myself either...
i keep on get the failure me to present in this world! and maybe that is why i worth nothing to everyone and i suppose i worth something to them!

i love to write, i hope that someday at least i will be writing something worthy or maybe i can come out with some article or stories that always hiding in my silly head.
i love music, i hope i am a musician, that everyone agree with me having some talent in it, i doubted that it won't really happen now or ever...
i love arts, anykind of art like fashion, interior, graphics... i wish someday i will become somebody that inspiring others or at least people will agree with my achievement or so...

however, currently i am a nobody with no people agreeing with whatever that i experienced~
screw me and just wish me have more time in my day dreaming!

分手

有时想想
这个恋情，到底可以到多久？

我爱他，他也比我爱他更爱我
可是，我看得出只是爱是不够的

我很贪心，我承认
我要的是更多
我需要上进的
需要的是爱心
跟我 至少是了解我的
跟你 至少我懂你

我不贪心
我只是不知 会不会有一天
我们就有那么 分手的一天
因为现在 我看到那片乌云

我怀疑
我害怕
无法预算

朦朦撞撞

Zoo n IKEA day~

Today,

We went to Zoo Negara.

Me, Ryan, Poiyan & her hubby, Catherine...5 of us without Andrew who was so sick until unable to climb out of bed went to zoo for a shooting-and-having-fun trip!

Around 10.50a.m. we departed from our apartment then reached Giant at 11.00a.m. for breakfast at Mc D and Poiyan's hubby was booking a ticket for himself to fly back to Sabah, or Sarawak~

After everything settled which i also bought myself 2 AA kodak battery at RM5.00, we drove to Catherine's place so to convince his daddy to let her going out with us, the BIG KOKO and JIE JIE~ Haha...

Finally we make it to the zoo at around....i think 1.30p.m. or so~

We visited a lot of animals~

Some smells bad, really... i mean they pee and berak everywhere, so that is why some smells really bad until we only spent like few seconds at there, then cabut as fast as we could! Hah! And some even play its own berak!!! Yup, its disgusted even when we think about it, but they are only animals, so they don't really quite know what they are doing plus they are brainless compare to us so we can't really blame or er...laugh at them....you know~~ And as Poiyan's hubby said it if they are smarter than us, we suppose we are the one who stayed inside the cage instead of them...Hah!

Some look pity, like the elephant~ It always comes around us, wondering if we wanted to give them food or not and it's expression, so hard to explain how you can so easily feel the emotion for them!

Some look cute, some look pretty, some look tiny, some look very old just like the turtle, some look disgusted.......

We walked around the zoo until our legs and energy call out the pain, by the way did i mention the entrance fees? Its RM20.00! Yeah, so damn ducking EXPENSIVE!!

Even how tired i am for today, i suppose my trip will be useful for my shoot of taking the endemic species in Malaysia such as Orang Utan and the Tampir...Until when i get back home and check for those pictures, i realized that today is quite a waste because every nice shot that i took for the Orang Utan was all BLUR due to my LOUSY camera!!! So GERAM!! It is really a damn nice shoots(at least i thought so), but all are not in a very high resolution thats mean i cant use it in my project! ARGH~

After the trip we sent back Catherine then pick up Andrew then went to IKEAe~

We had our dinner at PappaRich and during the dinner don't know what happened with the next table neighbor, a totally two stranger keep on staring on us....

We then finished our dinner at around 9.00p.m. and heading for some shopping!

We had our plan, not a real plan but more like a dream plan actually....about the design for our future home sweet home if its possible~ ^^

Hehehe~

Then we manage to bought 2 clock, a magazine file, a full-size body mirror and a bathroom sort of half-size body mirror...cost RM 169

I really spent a lot as i also needed to help filled in the petrol for Ryan since he is so kind to offer himself to become our driver for the full day! ^^

So by tomorrow i will declare a bankruptcy!

After bought everything we wanted and do everything we planned, we plan to have a good rest for tomorrow as it is a Sunday, a rest day! Hehe~

变化？

有时很震撼，

看到认识的已改变

在看看自己的一成不变

别人的

名，利，智慧，生活，样貌，心态，性格。。。

很多很多 都变得。。陌生了， 因为成长了

在你们眼中的我呢？

我看看自己

围绕我生活里的

纠缠着的个性

一路的宿命

没多分别

好像真的还蛮 原地踏步的

是好？还是不好？

到底我 怎么样了呢？？

为什么 iDiOtA

我希望我自己是个有用的人，至少我觉得自己还算是。

可能是太不在意别人的眼光了吧，总觉得只要活得出自己就行了。

可是，近年来应该是忍受太多人对自己的长期忽烈，憋得太久了，突然又对自己的自信心产生绝大的怀疑。

或许他们是对的？

有时活得简单以及单纯也不失是坏事。

怎么说呢。。

突然觉得，我希望什么都不去想 了，什么也不顾了。

念念经，画画图，写写东西，笑一笑。。什么都不重要。。

iDiOtA 最好！

Today～

跨别太久，

憋不住又回来了。。。

人吗～ 总是都会有心事的时候。。。

回来自己的小地方

写写，看看，想想。。。